My 12 year old daughter loves her social life! Her cross country coach boasts she could run a marathon if she had someone to talk to while running! She comes in with impulsive plans for "hanging out" with friends. We manage these excursions by stipulating we must have detailed plans for any outings. This detoured her for awhile. But now she has learned to plan! And the plans are way ahead of time! Homework and chores are conditional to plans being expedited. Each obstacle placed for her, to slow down the ever charging preteen, have turned into lessons she champions!
Our daughter went to the Skate n Dance on Saturday night here in Redding. I don’t let her go as a rule for numerous reasons. I know she could be exposed to "unknown evils" in the shadows, but the Holy Spirit moved me past my brain, and showed me to let her go. I set something new in motion. I talked and discussed the dangers, equipping her with answers for various scenarios. Now I had to trust her, and the God who is bigger than all circumstances. I had peace. I even met a new mom who thanked me for driving the kids to the party. All was good!
When I picked up my daughter, she was full of caffeine and stories. She talked about the cops (security guard) who kicked a girl out for mouthing off to the owners. My daughter went out and talked to the girl. She said, “Mom, I told her, ‘Dude, you just gotta go in and tell them you’re sorry. They will let you back in! They just want some respect. It is their business, and their rules. If you just go in, and show some respect, say you're sorry with respect, you can get back in.’ She wouldn’t do it, Mom. She just stood outside alone, until 11:00 when her mom came to pick her up. She should’ve just humbled herself and apologized.” She rambled on about her dancing and purchases, exhausted, but happy.
My daughter’s story touched my heart. In all my warnings, I never touched the scene she encountered. Somewhere within our boundary setting, she discerned a valuable lesson. Respect, honor, validation in humility would go along way to repairing a breach in relationship. If you take responsibility, get out of denial, stop the self-justifying, rambling manipulations, you can find a place of reconciliation. We all want respect. If you are the first to give it, and the first to admit when you've violated someone, you'll always have friends and fun. Just apologize, and they'll let you back in.
I'm praying for my daughter and myself, that we'll always be "in".
